Why New Year Resolutions Don’t Work, and What Can We Do About It

Why we appear immune to real change and how we can get unstuck.

It’s that time of the year: we make a set of promises to ourselves and set internal goals to do whatever it takes to change our habits for good. For many of us, it will merely take two to four months to realize we’re not following through with our New Year’s resolutions. Things we wanted to change so badly won’t grow into consistent habits.

A Natural Process

For some this would look like a failure, but for professors Kegan and Lahey from Harvard Graduate School of Education, it is a natural process. It is something that we should not only forgive, but also understand and accept in our human nature, before we can do anything about it.

Kegan and Lahey refer to a study that found that when doctors tell heart patients that they will die if they don’t change their habits, only 14% of patiens will follow through successfully. If change is so hard for people even when facing possible death, than desire and motivation alone can’t be enough to change the status quo.

Immunity to Change

The researchers point out that the real challenge with resolutions and self-promises isn’t a lack of willpower. Rather, they argue that failure to meet our goals may be the result of an emotional immune system that helps protect us from the fallout that can come from change — namely disappointment and shame.

Behind each of our habits is a strongly held belief that not only keeps us in our moving forward, but also fights any change that threatens the status quo. This resistance is so strong, so adaptive, and so systemic that Kegan and Lahey liken it to a finely tuned immune system, and call it immunity to change.

Getting Unstuck

For many people who Kegan and Lahey observed over years this situation resembles pushing the gas and the brake pedals at the same time. They want to get ahead, but something stops them right there. The result is frustration and lack of self esteem. The outcome is: ‘I’m just stuck’.

Luckily, professors offer an actionable way out of this limbo:

1. Think about is your improvement goal: something you want, but somehow fail to achieve over and over again. For example, I want to change careers and make living doing what I really like.
2. List the actions that will help you achieve your goal. For example, I consider going back to school or taking an online course to achieve my goal.
3. Write down behaviors that work against your goal. Those could be constantly postponing tasks, getting busy with a tight schedule, or chosing different, sometime less important priorities. For example, I only do research on schools and courses, but never sign up. I’m putting off enrolling to actual schools.
4. This is where things become interesting. Proceed by asking yourself how you’d feel if you did the opposite of behaviors listed in the previous step. What are your key concerns? Fears? What makes you emote? Follow these concerns to see your competing commitments. For example, 1) if I sign up for a course, people will think I’m incompetent — I’ll feel shame; 2) if I go to school, I will lose status and career capital that I have now — I’ll feel miserable.
5. Identify the barriers you need to overcome to achieve the change you want. This step is close to understanding and putting into words underlying “IF this, THEN that” statements. For example, “if I go to school again, everyone will find out that I’m not competent and talented, and I will lose my credibility”. Kegan and Lahey call those big assumptions — they are not necessarily true, but they are the constructs that hold you back from achieving your goals.
6. Being aware of your competing commitments and big assumptions, proceed by acting on your goal in small measurable ways in a controlled environment. You might want to do it with an accountability buddy, or by working with a coach, so you can get support and be fully seen in the tricky process of change. For example, I will take one online lesson a day for a week, and show results of my course work to three or four friends.

Living the Change

Now this process can help us understand that it is possible to change, and at the same time, it is natural for us to oppose change, just like any threat to our being in a comfort zone (even if it’s not that comfortable).

A powerful distinction here is that we have a proactive emotional immunity is at work, guarding us from potential disappointment. At the same time, we have the antidote. By understanding perceived obstacles and slightly shifting our perspective, we may find a way to change and live more meaningful, empowered life.

Alex Ivanov is a designer and professional integral coach based in San Francisco. Recommend this article if you’d like to read more pieces like this.

Resources:

• Free Immunity to Change Map as a printable PDF
• Kegan’s and Lahey’s books: Immunity to Change and An Everyone Culture on Amazon
• 15 min video of Kegan talking about the concept
• Harvard Business Review piece on Immunity to Change
• Book summary by Integral Leadership Review